Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
