This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
