garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
