i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
