you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
