if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
