We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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