he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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