with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
