I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
