Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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