I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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