When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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