If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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