I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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