I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize