So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
His nipple licking is glorious
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