He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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