You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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