PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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