Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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