She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
