Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
