I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
