They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
