okay pat passed out under dana's car
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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