its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
