Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
