Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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