Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
