Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
