How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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