He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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