she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
