Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
