DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
