just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
