i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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