Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
