Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
