i don't like sucking hair
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
