you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
