Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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