I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
