This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
