Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
