I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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