I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
