Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
