oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
