Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
