this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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