get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
worst night to have a conscience
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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