thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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