Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
