Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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