The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize