Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.