i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
