Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so let's talk penis.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
