I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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