fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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