Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
