Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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