I'm really into asian looking animals
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
