It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
