I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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