If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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