she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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