I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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