this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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