I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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