I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
