Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
