How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
