her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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