plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
