i will never coherently bang her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize