So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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