You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think i have two assholes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
